Time for a Break!

I’m going to be taking a break for a bit.

We’re coming to the final months of a year that has been full of a lot of changes for me, most of them not great. Deaths, breakups, people getting thrown in jail, others stuck in hospital forever, unwise relocation choices…lots of big ugly things.

My emphasis has been on pushing through when things get hard. And on the heels of the year before this, which was chock full of conquering challenges, crushing goals, and learning surprising and (mostly) awesome things about myself, that made sense.

But expecting any success with that approach after a year that has not rewarded me for any of it, is proving to be the most self-dishonest and tone-deaf choice I could’ve made.

In my defense, this kind of year, these sort of challenges, have been totally unprecedented for me. I’m still trying to determine the best way forward through it.

And my writing has reflected the strain of trying to say something that made sense to a previous version of me that has slowly and finally run out of air.

We all want the story of how we get through the rough days. When I get through them, I’ll be here with my story of how I did it.

So what now?

Grief, fear and anxiety take a lot of energy – everything you try to do to move forward with them is 10x harder. Which means you need to find more energy from things you wouldn’t otherwise need to lean on as heavily, in search of joy, hope, inspiration, connection, creativity, and rest.

My focus is shifting from all the things I do because I’ve somehow thought I “have to”, to things that I feel replenished by doing because I’d “love to”.

It’s time to read the books, learn the things, have those conversations and experiences, live the life. To do what brings joy, and balance to a year that has brought me…here.

My intent is still to write regularly – I still want to learn to write better - but it’s going to be on a lot of different things. Some stuff that I haven’t been publishing because it isn’t “on brand”.

But it will absolutely be Me.